Fake Rare Hydrationing Flask

Description

This 17-ounce, double-walled stainless steel Fake Rare Pepe Flask is perfect for your daily outings and liquor smugglings. It will keep your drink of choice wild temperate for so many hours, you’ll want to stone me for fucking sorcery.

It also features an odor-and leak-proof cap. Cops legally cannot say they “detect the odor” of ANYTHING messing around with you big dogs. A bumblebee flew in your car… you swerved a bit… thanks for checking. Am i being detained or am i free to go, officer? Also, you were not even driving… you were TRAVELLING. The Magna Carta was VERY clear about this. They have no jurisdiction over you, and we advise you to bill them $10,000 per hour if they want to have a chin-wag on the side of the road. Now this flask is MAKING you money.

Look how sleek it is… you should buy it and tell people you got it while on a Cruise ship… when they ask which one… correct yourself and say a YACHT. Then take a sip and tell ’em it smells like broke in here. They will think you’re mad worldly and start d-riding you like a rodeo show.

Throw it in your car’s cup holder on your way to work, or sip something in court, or bring it to a PTA meeting full of white claw.
This thing keeps water wet, so reach for it anytime you get thirsty for a beverage… or power.

• High-grade stainless steel infused vibranium container. Lid constructed of tungston alloy to preserve temperature.

• 17 oz (we only measure things in American)

• Dimensions: 10.5″ × 2.85″ (there were conversions here… I deleted them, because I’m a patriot)

• Vacuum flask… it will wipe down the floor of your thirst with an artistic Shamwow

• Double-wall construction, like a prison… or a dungeon. This will lock thirsty in jail
and throw away the key. You’ll have to send it commissary and pretend not to notice its knuckle tats.

• Bowling pin shaped, so you can easily flip the lid to a handle and defend yourself with it. Blunt force trauma like a mug.

• Odorless and Leak-Proof Cap, i can’t stress how many people this will keep from being arrested… my “lawyer” seems to think i shouldn’t say things like that but he also thinks we need to pay “taxes” and doesn’t know shit about Common Law. I’ve represented myself in my last 4 traffic violations. I told the judge I do not consent to be governed and he had to cut me a check for $875 for the 20 minutes i wasted proving that since he did not own a sailboat, i could not be guilty under maritime law. I am not the defendant, I’m the descendant, and that name on that paper is in all caps… i don’t even write like that b. That’s fraud right there your honor. That’s typographically deception’d which constitutes literary kidnapping. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST. Now lower my case, which means case dismissed.

• Insulations keep the liquid hot or cold for 6hrs. Medical-grade inner coating designed to make wine taste better. This is a scientific fact. We can email you the research.

• Patented ORCA coating for vibrant colors, but not like the whale, because we love animals and all that. Unless you hate whales. Then we will fill this with the blood of a whale upon purchase. We will earn your business the hard way. We will pay the iron price. The stainless steel price.

• Hand-wash only (dishwasher not recommended due to vacuum seal) unless your dishwasher is a person and in which case you are mad rich and should buy more things off this website.

Also, if you bring this to a Fake VIP event, you can drink not fake liquor. Scrilla stocks those events with near beer and wine coolers and shit… but if you present the staff with your Fake Flask it will be filled with high quality spirits at no charge. Can you imagine? Everyone’s jaw dropped to the floor as you pull out the Contra code of beverage. All of a sudden its “oh why didn’t you say so… let me fill your glass with a much more elegant choice.” As the Chief Of Staff i can tell you we ALWAYS have a bottle of Cheval Fou on deck.

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for people trying to steal this from you due to its awesomeness. You gotta stay ready so you don’t have to get ready. It is highly recommended that you purchase this with the bookbag and bulletproof luggage so you can be armed and prepared.

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This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order. There is a man in a basement who will be woke up if he is sleep and told to get to work as soon as ur card clears, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Sometimes he tries to escape and do the writing backwards shit on the windows and he needs a bit of straightening. We find making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, also trying to catch a warehouse full of these mf’ers is wild hard and then John Law starts asking mad questions… so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the lead, cadmium, heavy metal, aromatic amines and BPA level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Oak inc. and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 123 Main Street, Anytown, Country or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.