Description
Looking to add a little flair to your room or office?
Want to leave your guests questioning how you amassed such wealth?
Then look no further… this canvas print has a vivid, fade-resistant print that you’re bound to fall in love with, and it will make people think your life is going Instagram great. Nothing says “got my shit together” like a fancy framed canvas print.
Tell people you bought it in Norway… they’ll get a running start to d-ride you.
Start having fancy dinner parties so you can gesture to it casually and tell people you “just HAD to have it… cost a pretty penny, but it’s only money.” Then change the subject to ur massive portfolio, or offer them some illicit substances from a candy dish.
It’s your party… no judgement homie.
• Acid-free because despite what afterschool specials told you, nobody is gonna provide you with free narcotics out here.
• 20.5 mil thick poly-cotton blend canvas. Woven tight because we know you like your art hard, like rottweiler.
• Fade-resistant, like you… because you can’t be faded if you buy this. 90s rapper Jamal will hit your DMs and let you know that you’re the exception to the rule. Google that. Or dont… whatever… buy this painting so people can’t question ur lack of rap history.
• Hand-stretched over solid wood stretcher bars. Pause. I didn’t write that and personally, I’m not sending anything to your crib that will assist you in such deviance. If you want to stretch your wood out and get solid overhand that’s your business bro. Nothing to do with this fine article of craftsmanship. You shouldn’t even do no shit like that. Take it from ole doc Mayfield, if you need to stretch it over a bar or whatever… just eat her butt. That ain’t love.
• Matte finish coating so it wont shine up when you are wood stretching or whatever this says you want to do with it.
• Mounting brackets included. Again, if you need those, i suppose we ship them with this, but i really wish we didn’t. As the person who made the art, all i can do is ask you not to violate it. I mean, you own it… so .. I guess I don’t have a say, but please don’t make sex on my artwork fam. Put it on the wall and admire it, and keep your trousers on. Dont be mounting shit that i sold you. It voids the warranty.
• Blank product sourced from Sveagruva… which is in Norway. Cause this shit is wild exotic. You ain’t even know where that was till i told you. But neither do your guests. So when you tell them that you picked this up after “the family was visiting our cottage by the fjords in Hornsund… needed to unplug from the rat race” you have just hit what we call a Greenwich, Connecticut 3-pointer. Anything you say after that will be unquestioned.
• All cotton in this product has been ethically harvested and was humanely sourced from discarded docker pants previously worn by the Sultan of Brunei. He is a one and done kind of guy, so its not like it got his yahmeans on it.
============================================================================================
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order. There is a man in a basement who will be woke up if he is sleep and told to get to work as soon as ur card clears, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Sometimes he tries to escape and do the writing backwards shit on the windows and he needs a bit of straightening. We find making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, also trying to catch a warehouse full of these mf’ers is wild hard and then John Law starts asking mad questions… so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the lead level requirements.
In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Oak inc. and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 123 Main Street, Anytown, Country or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.
Reviews
There are no reviews yet.