FAUX CORN SERIES • CARD #005 • COUNTERPARTY (XCP)
A parody of a parody of a parody. We three levels deep.
Look… I’m not gonna sit here and act like this isn’t exactly what it looks like. I took my own card (PEPECREATURE from the Fake Rares) and I just… redid it. With corn. Same pose. Same Bitcoin eyes. Same little ferryman Pepe in the corner looking like he’s seen some shit and decided it wasn’t his business.
I just swapped out the Jekyll Island Federal Reserve conspiracy for a corn subsidy conspiracy and submitted it to Faux Corn like it was a brand new idea.
That’s called synergy.
You know what synergy is? It’s the word that makes a guy in a Patagonia vest excuse himself from the meeting to go handle something in the bathroom (hand mash his cobb). It’s what happens when you say “leveraging existing IP across verticals” and everybody at the table starts nodding and clapping like you ain’t just describe being lazy with extra steps.
That’s me. I’m vertically integrating my own shit. Because it’s MLK day and I just used the word integration. Check the time stamp… I’m fucking brilliant.
Self-pollinating like a GMO experiment funded by Monsanto and whatever demons they pray to.
See… Faux Corn is to Bitcorns what Fake Rare is to Rare Pepe. It’s a parody of a parody. So when I made PEPECREATURE… which was already a parody, and then I corn-pilled it for submission here… what you’re looking at is a parody of a parody of a parody.
We three levels deep yo… this is like a rhombus of retardedness. This is the Inception of not having new ideas. And you are in it with me.
Brother, if you gotta ask, you probably still trust the food pyramid and think the USDA is looking out for your colon. But I’ll give you the quick version.
Corn is in EVERYTHING. High fructose corn syrup… that’s in your soda, your bread, your ketchup, the shit they put ON shit. Ethanol… that’s in your gas tank making your engine run worse so Iowa can have jobs. Plastics. Pharmaceuticals. The coating on your vitamins. The filler in dog food. The adhesive on postage stamps… actually I made that one up but you believed it for a second because it FEELS true.
That’s the power of the Corn Cartel.
Every time the government prints money, a corn farmer in Iowa manifests a new F-350 and a bass boat he’ll use twice. Agricultural subsidies are the crack cocaine of American monetary policy, and this creature rose from those ethanol swamps to show you the truth.
Or it’s just a frog with corn on it. Could be either. I was high when I made it.
Because you already got PEPECREATURE and your brain is doing that thing where it’s screaming at you to complete the set. That’s a sickness. I’m not gonna pretend it isn’t. But it’s a sickness we both have, which is why I made this and you’re reading it.
You want this card because owning the parody AND the parody of the parody is the kind of deranged completionist behavior that separates collectors from people who have healthy relationships with money.
This is provenance. This is LORE. This is me being too lazy to have a new idea but packaging that laziness so elegantly that you’re gonna reward me for it with your hard-earned sats.
Hit that dispenser. It’s gonna feel like finding a channel on Cinemax at 1am in ’94 that wasn’t THAT scrambled if you squinted right and held the antenna wire.
I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I’m not your father. But if your father collected this card, he’d probably be proud of you for once. Think about that.
Love, Kane
P.S. The “CORN005” is because this is card 5 in the Faux Corn series. I ain’t explain that earlier because I assumed you knew things. If you didn’t know that… I mean… we’re in this together now I guess. Welcome to the corn hole brosef.
