Long Sleeve “Special Forces” Tactical Deployment Henley

Description

Everyone we hired to model this shirt in the above pictures is a cage-fighter… and they did battle royale for the opportunity to represent their respective dojos and martial arts disciplines here for you today

Shit got wild… a lot of people went to the hospital… and our insurance was not really in line so a little legal fallout behind this shirt… black guy threw a chair through a plate glass window

That’s why he got the cover… a true star

DISCLAIMER… when you put this shirt on, you are going to feel like a Special Forces operator. It hugs the biceps and you are going to want to cut your “hair high and tight”. You may not have the physique for something like that, worry not… the shirt acts like one of those sausage skin suits plump women wear. It will push your arm fat into what LOOKS like a big muscle. And mold your soft bubbage into a sturdy looking rip-roaring man chest, so the cashier you like at the supermarket will want to lay her head upon it while you tell her about the war.

That’s because this fabric is traditionally used for Delta Force apparel. This shirt comes in black and slightly darker black, and we don’t let you choose. Fate will decide which one you get.

I need to be clear if you wear this patriotic long-sleeve shirt, people are going to STAND UP when you enter a room, attempt to shake your hand, and thank you for your service. Fathers will ask their sons if they want to be a hero like you when they grow up. Be mindful that it does not matter where you go… this will happen. Public bathrooms can be problematic. Everybody ain’t a handwasher, yo.

While we do not condone or encourage you to steal valor from our troops, we WILL sell you the means to do it.
I pitched this to the team like “remember them cable boxes from the 90’s?… you could get free cable and porno?… it’s like that, but for stealing mad valor and getting the complimentary boneless chicken dippers with fries at Buffalo Wild Wings”

As a patriotic company who wont even put the metric system on our items, we would NEVER encourage ANYONE to use ChatGPT to strum up a bunch of plausible sounding bullshit war stories about intense firefights like the real American hero Steven Seagal, so you can squint and look out the window in your upgraded booth at Golden Corral and pretend to go into a fugue state so they give you some to-go containers for your complimentary prime rib. But if you did, we do acknowledge that it would be HIGHLY effective. So… you know… think of it like us “warning” people or whatever makes you feel better.

There is a symbol on the back that has been known to make the kind of women who smoke Marlboro Reds indoors, tell you that you remind them of some older male figure from their childhood and how much they love a patriot, and toss that cooze overhand at ya.

Its not just for men… if you are a handsome gal… buy this military grade shirt and women will want to sleep with you also

Weaponize its power on that girl who borrows shit and never returns it.
You can run the old “honeypot” and make her fall in love with you and pay for your Amazon Prime subscription, and put a car in her name for you… while you get back your pocketbook or “back massager” or whatever.

The “C” logo on the left sleeve is not for Champion… you know what it’s for… I’m not gonna say it

But you’ll be tripping over it on ur way out of an Outback Steakhouse… where all your food was FREE because the manager wont let a hero go hungry

The original name for this shirt was “Patriotic Pussy Magnet” but people be censoring me, like mudder russia.

• 100% cotton which was sourced from an old farm in Georgia near my house in the heartland of America. The people who picked it were 100% there of their own free will. I made sure and asked… they seemed happy. Said they get Easter off.
• Contains a hidden QR code, which, if scanned before other people, will give you a Starbucks gift card, or some cryptocurrency… whichever one sounds more believable to you.
• Regular fit because we do not know the dimensions of ur body. So if you have Allen Iverson arms or some other mutation, we are not responsible for any bad feels because you live near powerlines and have a big goiter or some shit we ain’t know about.
• Double-needle sinched bottom… that’s not about the shirt. It’s a sexual maneuver. The QR code on the packaging will direct you on how to perform it. We take no responsibility if you hurt yourself, or if ur foot gets stuck behind your head trying to perform it. We didn’t create the move… its actual name is the Kummerspeck which is German for “grief bacon”
• Blank product sourced from El Salvador in that Arkham Asylum prison that homeboy with the nice hair who loves Bitcoin set up to house all those Uber drivers. That may seem unethical but yall ain’t say shit to Bob Barker and he made all my cousins’ clothes and blankets while he was “away at college” in Upstate New York. So this high-quality garment was hand-stitched, yet affordable because my mans with the whole nativity scene tatted on his face sewed it for you.

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This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order. There is a man in a basement who will be woke up if he is sleep and told to get to work as soon as ur card clears, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Sometimes he tries to escape and do the writing backwards shit on the windows and he needs a bit of straightening. We find making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, also trying to catch a warehouse full of these mf’ers is wild hard and then John Law starts asking mad questions… so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!